For two years, I have prayed that we would conceive. I prayed that this treatment or that would take. I’ve had doctors show me mature ovarian follicles on ultrasound and then not be able to explain why we didn’t get pregnant. The answer is that there is no Earthly explanation. These things are beyond our control. All the technology in the world is not as powerful as what God wants for us.
I prayed to God for guidance and asked that he lead us down a path to pregnancy. Almost immediately a friend introduced me to NaProTechnology. My endometriosis and grain allergy were discovered. I was on the path to better health and what seemed like pregnancy. Again, more than once, my doctor was puzzled about why conception wasn’t happening.
I know with absolute certainty that I am being called to motherhood. Who else could have an amazing husband, 4 dogs, a full time teaching career, and still desperately feel an emptiness in her life that only a child can fill? Why would I have been steered on to NaProTechnology if I weren’t meant to be a mother? Even if we haven’t conceived after almost a year of working with NaPro, I am certainly healthier than I have ever been because of NaPro. Looking back on my health a year ago, I don’t think that I would have been healthy enough to become a mom just a year ago.
I know that finding NaPro was part of God’s plan for me. I’m just not sure that pregnancy is. I’m not giving up on pregnancy, I’m just finally ready to recognize that it may not be part of God’s plan for me. I don’t know if God is calling me to adopt, I know that I need to honor the fact that he may be doing so.
Like many women, I’ve been so desperate to conceive that I’ve looked for signs of pregnancy around every corner. Each month as it becomes time to try again, I keep looking for signs and changes. I couldn’t see any. What I did see was a hidden support network for adoption that was quietly waiting for me to recognize it. There’s a woman at my church who is both a foster mom and an adoptive mom, another friend of mine was adopted by relatives, a co-worker of mine is an adoptive mom who swears that her children are her biggest blessings. It seems that God has given us a support system to guide us on this next phase of our journey.
Adoption is not something we pulled out of the sky, rather it’s something that we believed we would do later on in our lives. We’re both young and don’t envision ourselves having an “empty nest” in our 50’s. Since we’re in our 30’s at the moment, and I see children who are in need every day, adopting a child in need is something that we decided to do long ago. And now, we find ourselves needing that child as much as he or she needs us.
This doesn’t mean we’re going to stop pursuing pregnancy, it just means that we have signed up as a foster to adopt family. We are recognizing that there is more than one way to answer God’s call to parenthood.
So, I’ve changed what I’m praying for. I used to pray that God would help us to get pregnant. Now I pray that God will bless us with a child.