Tag Archive | loss

Angels’ Playground

When I first learned we had lost our baby, my heart was broken.  Like any mother, I was so worried about where our baby would go, and what would happen until we get there.  I’ve often dreamed of the moment when I will meet that child and so many of my questions will be answered.  For now, this is the place where I believe our children wait for us, playing together, under the care of loved ones who have gone before us, until we are able to hold our dear little ones one day. 

angels playing 1

Angels’ Playground

 

Somewhere beyond the Pearly Gates in Heaven, past the choirs, and the altars, lies Angels’ playground: the place where Angel babies await their mommies and daddies. The benches are filled with Grandmas, Grandpas, Great Grandparents, Aunties, and Uncles who are charged with the task of caring for these little angels until their mommies and daddies arrive.

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There is laughter like the Earth has never heard as these beautiful angels swing, run, and play. They hang upside down from monkey bars and chase each other, all as they pass the time waiting for that magical moment when they can meet the people whose love created them.

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When you enter, you hear one unique sound among the others: it is a laugh your heart immediately recognizes. Among the hordes of little angels, one stops playing, turns to you and smiles. You recognize that face! It has Mommy’s eyes, Daddy’s nose and the smile you always dreamed you would see.

angel boy

You smile as your Angel runs towards you as fast as those tiny legs will carry them. You feel your baby’s arms around your neck and embrace your child for the first time ever. The love you have carried in your heart for years finally connects with the little person whom you have so dearly missed. Your heart melts as you hear those long awaited words for the first time, “Mommy, Daddy, I love you!” “I love you, Angel!” you say as you embrace your little one. The moment you have waited for has finally arrived. You have reconnected you’re your Angel who left for heaven so long ago.

mommy angel embrace

Miscarriage–Honoring the Child We Lost, Part I…

At the moment, I’m in the middle of a miscarriage.  This is quite honestly the most heartbreaking time of my life.  There’s nothing anyone can do.  Our baby had already passed away when we went for our ultrasound.  At the moment I’m experiencing cramping, and spotting.  It gets worse by the day, which in this case is a good thing.  As much as my heart aches for the loss of this child, I dread hearing a doctor say that it won’t happen naturally and I have to undergo a D&C.  As I grieve the loss of our child, I’d like to share some beautiful memories  of my brief pregnancy with you.  Thank you for sharing this experience with me.

Love, Catherine

The day we learned we were pregnant…

It was a Wednesday, the dreaded and blessed peak plus 17, the day that we NaPro ladies wait for.  It had been 17 days since my identified peak day and despite a few hours of what could have been implantation bleeding, followed by days of very light brown spotting, I had not experienced a period.  My husband, Frank woke me at 5AM, the time he usually wakes for work.  He was aware of what day it was and wanted to be there when I took the test.  I tested without expectation.  We’d gotten countless negatives in the past and even once good old AF decided to show up mid test taking.  I tested and I waited.  When I saw that faint blue line make the plus sign on the test I was in heaven.  We had done we had successfully conceived, we were going to be parents!

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I ran into our bedroom and said, “Congratulations Daddy, it’s positive!”  We were so happy!  NaProTechnology had worked!  My body was healthy enough to conceive naturally.  God had answered our prayers and blessed us with a child! I was aware the test would fade at some point, and I wanted to preserve that moment forever, so I snapped a quick pic before I tossed it.

 

Next, I needed to call Dr. Carpentier, but since it was 5:30 in the morning, I thought best to call once his office opened.  I couldn’t go back to sleep, I was so excited.  I stayed awake in a state of bliss until about 7:00 when I drifted off.  I woke again at about 9:00 thinking it was a good time to call Dr. C.  As I got up and dragged myself out of bed, the phone rang; it was Dr. C calling with the results of my peak plus 7 blood work.

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I was amazed that he called me at the very moment I intended to call him.  He had just received the results of my peak plus seven blood work, in his words: “Like 12 seconds ago”.  I wanted to hear the results, but I couldn’t hold my joy any longer.  I blurted out:  “I’m so glad you called.  I was just getting ready to call you because it’s peak plus seventeen, I tested this morning and I’m pregnant!”  He responded “YOU GO GIRL! Can you get to my office today?  We’ve got a lot to talk about!”

 

Even though it was a Wednesday and his office closed at noon, he was willing to wait till I arrived.  I got dressed, fed the furbabies, packed up my chart, prenatal vitamins, and hit the highway to make the 90 minute drive up to his office.  This was really happening!  My leave of absence had paid off!  I was pregnant and blessed to have an amazing doctor who would do everything he could to support our pregnancy from the moment we got a positive test until delivery.