Women often say that they wish they had known about their infertility years before trying. Perhaps they are thinking that they might have been able to do something to change the situation they are in. Not me, I believe that God has a plan for us all, and specifically that he has a plan for where he wants me.
Let me explain, I was pretty foolish in my youth. I didn’t drink, do drugs, or anything else that was illegal, I was just really self-centered and concerned about me what my life would be in later years. In fairness, my family situation wasn’t the greatest, so planning for a life that allowed me to leave that situation was a priority. My husband, Frank, and I have been together since our senior year of high school. While I was in college, he worked as an apprentice. He proposed the day I graduated from college, and long before that we were already starting to plan our life together. We both wanted to be parents, but agreed that children deserved to have certain things. We both grew up without certain luxuries and wanted our children to have toys like big wheels, dollhouses, jungle gyms, and a yard of our own to play in.
If I knew that I would struggle with fertility, I would have done things differently, and not for the better. While many women in college may not think about being a mom one day, I was already dating my husband at the time. When I finished college, we had already been dating for four and a half years. I can imagine my 20 year old self, saying, “Why finish college? I’ll never really need the income since I won’t be able to have a family! Why get married after all? If I can’t be a mom, then maybe I’m not meant to be married.” Had I known that I’d struggle with becoming a mom, I may just have been stupid enough to push the whole idea of marriage right off the table.
Regardless, of what the future holds for us, I know that I am a better person because of Frank. He is my everything. I know that without him, my life wouldn’t be even a quarter of what it is with him in it. The life that we share as a couple is ten times better than any life than I ever could have built on my own. I know this now, but could not have had any hope of comprehending this in my late teens or early twenties. The me I was always concerned with, has been replaced by “us” the amazing bond and promise that means we won’t ever be without support, love, or a reason to smile.
So, yeah, I was pretty stupid back then. But honestly, it doesn’t matter. I was smart enough to dream that Frank and I could have a life together. Sooner or later, I know we’ll get there. I believe we are where we’re supposed to be and there’s a purpose for all this. Thanks for joining me on this journey! Love, Catherine